Harry Totters- THE SORCERER'S APPRENTICE Review

As something of a regular disclaimer, it's only my opinion here- others are available. As ever, mild spoilers may occur in the process of reviewing, but never so far as to spoil any major plot developments.
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Physics geek Dave discovers a greater destiny as he becomes The Sorcerer's Apprentice in Disney's latest live-action fantasy film. He's sought after by two sorcerers who were once students of Merlin. Yeah, that Merlin. Balthazar wants to help Dave to defeat Merlin's deadliest enemy, Morgana. His rival, Horvath, wants to unleash her upon the world using a spell called the Rising. As Dave comes to terms with a world he could never have imagined, Balthazar must teach him everything he knows in order to stage a final battle.

The segment of Fantasia that Disney always seems to reference on DVD covers and posters of the film is of Mickey Mouse dressed as a sorcerer, and it's this little bit of back-catalogue iconography that has given way to The Sorcerer's Apprentice. The Fantasia segment was in turn based on a Goethe ballad, but this film resembles neither very much, simply because Nicolas Cage thought it would be a neat idea do a full film based on Mickey Mouse's magic mopping.

Instead it roots around in Arthurian legend. It seems as good a time as any to refer you back to my review of Percy Jackson, and my musings on how fantasy set in America often ends up somewhat crass. This one didn't impress me for starting out in Britain in 740AD before jumping to New York over a millennium later, but at least we don't have Cage reprising his attempt at a British accent from National Treasure: Book of Secrets as an apparent apprentice to Merlin.

Speaking of National Treasure, this one comes from director Jon Turteltaub, and he holds it all together considerably better than he did in that History Channel Indiana Jones knock-off of a franchise. It's a little long, and could have lost a scene referring back to the mop scene in Fantasia. Subsequently it could have been titled as something else entirely. Nevertheless, Turteltaub holds back on the running time and focuses on entertainment value.

Cage, on the other hand, doesn't seem to be having as much fun as you'd expect given how all of this was his idea, almost as if he got bored with the thought before it came into production. He still cuts loose a lot more than in National Treasure, and plays nicely against the terrific Alfred Molina. His Horvath is delightfully nasty and he chews the scenery very enjoyably throughout- while the gold standard is still his turn as Otto Octavius in Spider-Man 2, Molina is always worth watching in these otherwise disposable Hollywood actioners.

Less enjoyable is Jay Baruchel, whose grating nasal voice and face-slapping astonishment at the plot is like an ultra annoying mix of Jerry Lewis and Daniel Radcliffe's Harry Potter, circa 2001. He's likeable enough, sure, but he's there only to ply the stock Hollywood maxim of nerd empowerment. It's taken to extremes here too- take a shot of some alcoholic beverage every time you're told he's a geek. And then there's Toby Kebbell, who I hope will fall back through whatever magic portal he stumbled through to get from small but acclaimed roles in British stuff to this and his minor role in Prince of Persia. He's wasted here as Horvath's sidekick, acted and written as the kind of role Russell Brand would've got two years ago.

In general, the film walks a fine line between enjoyable summer fare and disposable assembly-line blockbuster. The bits removed are certainly visible, as the narrative flows like a dream. Not in a good way, or in the way of Inception, but in the way that scenes cut short and suddenly pick up elsewhere jarringly. I'm sure that'll be great for deleted scenes on the DVD, but it's not desirable in the cinema. Never fear though, this isn't quite the inevitable bad Nicolas Cage film after his recent good run, but let's see if he can fit any more good ones in before National Treasure 3 (one of many films that wouldn't benefit from a D on the end of that title) looms large in multiplexes in two years' time.

It's mostly enjoyable, but without any of the charm of a Harry Potter or a Nanny McPhee. What both of those films have that this doesn't is a sense of wonder. We're repeatedly told how cool all the CGI is, but it never properly feels magical. The Sorcerer's Apprentice may just make you yearn for the days when Disney's particular brand of artificial magic was more spellbinding, but it's a fairly harmless family film that probably offers more to kids than adults.

The Sorcerer's Apprentice is now showing at cinemas nationwide.
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If and when you see The Sorcerer's Apprentice, why not leave a comment on the film and/or my review? Don't worry- I've duly noted that the remaining Harry Potter outings will be a bit heavy-going, so if you're looking for something lighter, this is probably it, really.

I'm Mark the mad prophet, and until next time, don't watch anything I wouldn't watch.

Weapons of Mass Distraction

As something of a regular disclaimer, it's only my opinion here- others are available. As ever, mild spoilers may occur in the process of reviewing, but never so far as to spoil any major plot developments.
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Into the mixed bag of video game movies comes Prince of Persia- The Sands of Time. Dastan is a street urchin-made-prince by his adoptive father and King, and is naturally the most noble and fierce soldier in Persia, whose empire spans across the globe at this stage in history. While sacking a holy city purported to be arming Persia's enemies, Dastan happens across a mystical dagger, whose hilt contains the Sands of Time. The holder of the dagger can turn back time, and when Dastan's world is turned upside down by accusations of treason, he must team up with a princess, Tamina, in order to save the world.

Jerry Bruckheimer has obviously done his utmost here to find a film to replicate the barnstorming success of the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. This one may well be his most likely prospect, but it's clearly just a shame that it had to be set in the Middle East. In the midst of an international conflict, the Disney production is very confused indeed. Gone is the approach of making Aladdin look like Tom Cruise, because that would baffle audiences! Americans aren't from Iran! Everyone is now... British. Yes, and a buffed up Jake Gyllenhaal shall star and put on a decent British accent, and everyone else shall actually be British! Ben Kingsley! Alfred Molina! Jeff from Coupling! To Disney, this might as well register as Galactic Basic.

They've also opted for a heavy handed politicisation of the plot. The Persian army descends upon the holy city at the beginning of the film because they're making non-descript weapons for the enemy- weapons which they naturally can't find once they've subjugated the city. There's also a lot of rumination about whether or not this was a just invasion, and whether or not Dastan should have been "a great man, instead of a good one", and protested against the attack to stop it happening. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think we've ended up with a popcorn flick version of Green Zone!

This subtext is scarcely accessible for a family audience, so Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time actually does the one thing you'd think they'd be striving desperately to escape. Every now and then, they stop and stand around so the camera can show whatever battlefield or crowded area they're headed for, while the characters explain what needs to happen. This happens prior to about 80% of the action sequences, and resembles nothing so much as video-game storytelling. You can be forgiven if you reach for a phantom PS2 controller at any of these junctures.


All of this said, it's a lot more competent than it has any right to be. Director Mike Newell does a fine job off the back of having directed the most action-packed of the Harry Potter films to date, The Goblet of Fire, and here brings a similar sensibility to the table. It's always nicely choreographed and doesn't look like a video game fight even if the editing tees it up that way. Neither does it out-stay its welcome at a nice, stream-lined two hours that zips along and doesn't stretch credulity in the way of Bruckheimer's Pirates sequels.

The acting is surprisingly good too, with Gyllenhaal's Dastan ending up a much better action hero than you'd expect of the guy who was once Donnie Darko. Alfred Molina is reliably enjoyable too, but deserves to be singled out for nearly stealing the film in what should really be a thankless comic relief role. Ben Kingsley and Richard Coyle are less noteworthy, but for its female lead Gemma Arterton, I'm hoping it will mark a rethink of her choices.

I thought she was great in The Disappearance of Alice Creed, but seeing as how she's back on eye-candy duty in this one, I feel that what happens next is crucial to her career. Arterton's not put to the best use here with her expositionary role- she delivers most of that cut-scene dialogue I mentioned. She doesn't have the best chemistry with Gyllenhaal either, which makes their bickering as irksome as your average romcom dialogue. Basically, if she can continue with meatier roles like Alice Creed in future, I'll be happy. If she takes over from Megan Fox in Transformers 3, as has been rumoured, then she is dead to me. Come away from the Bay-stard!

The sun-bleached setting sits well in the summer blockbuster season, as does its general sense of humour and exciting set-pieces. In many ways, it's only disappointing that Disney were so precarious about the setting, falling back on their old tropes by evoking both Aladdin and The Lion King in the story, with an unhealthy infusion of war in Iraq allegory. And worst of all, they rely on an almost cynical cop-out ending that exploits the central McGuffin to remove any sense of jeopardy that had been building in the apparently apocalyptic threat that the villain poses. It's the big bum note in the narrative, but if you've had as much fun watching it as I did, you'll probably forgive it.


All in all, Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time is probably the best game-to-movie translation ever, but that's the best in an extremely weak field. It has a stronger lead performance than the material demands from an actor of Gyllenhaal's calibre, even if it's sometimes obscured beneath CGI and action sequences. The result is mixed and sometimes confused, but when it's fun, it's really fun, and a cut above what you would expect from a video game movie. If nothing else, be happy that it's a lot more enjoyable than Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, and keep your fingers crossed that any potential Persia sequels (and I imagine there will be at least one) don't go to such hyperbolic ruin.

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time is now playing in cinemas nationwide.
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If you've seen Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, and want to share your thoughts on the film or my review, why not comment below? Alternatively, if you haven't figured out from a merest glimpse at the poster who turns out to be the baddy in this one, brush up on your actor typecasting and get back to me in the morning.

I'm Mark the mad prophet, and until next time, don't watch anything I wouldn't watch.

The Caine Scrutiny

Britain, Britain, Britain! It's been a pretty good time for British cinema, these last few years- we've had the excellent In Bruges and Is Anybody There? in very recent memory, and of course Oscar glory for Slumdog Millionaire back in February. This post covers the latest cinematic output to come charging into multiplexes, one of which looks likely to repeat Slumdog's Oscar success next year and the other being a bit more like a Daily Mail reader's wet-dream. This is Harry Brown and An Education. As something of a regular disclaimer, it's only my opinion on here- others are available. As ever, mild spoilers may occur in the process of reviewing, but never so far as to spoil any major plot developments.


I'm starting with Harry Brown because what could be more British than that? It's got Michael Caine in it! As regular readers will know, Michael Caine is my all-time favourite actor and I've never seen him give a performance I didn't like. OK, he might have been in bad films, but he's always watchable, whether he's in On Deadly Ground or The Cider House Rules. Here he's the eponymous pensioner whose wife has recently died, leaving him alone living in a rough neighbourhood. So far, so Gran Torino, but when Harry's best friend Leonard is murdered while trying to defend himself from the estate's hellish yobs, Harry gets mad as hell and he ain't gonna take it anymore. So naturally, he gets hold of a gun and turns vigilante on the chavs.

It's sort of typical for a revenge movie that the main character will have slightly flimsy motivation, and that gorehounds will doze through the bloodless overture to a film and wake up when violence starts occurring. What such gorehounds should reckon on at this point is Michael Caine, whose performance is utterly believable and compelling throughout. Harry certainly doesn't start the film as a hardman- indeed, he's afraid to go into the underpass where the yobs hang out on his own, even when he gets a call from the hospital about his wife's condition worsening. We're then shown that his only remaining relationship is with Leonard, played briefly but memorably by David Bradley, and when Leonard's killed, it still takes a while for Harry to go completely out to lunch. This is a fine piece of tension building on director Daniel Barber's part, and Caine's performance matches the material excellently, but it's a shame that such subtlety isn't really employed with everything else in the film.


Once hoodies start turning up dead, a pair of CID officers get on the case, but these are very poorly developed characters. The usually reliable Emily Mortimer has little to work with and just proves slightly annoying. Moreover, the chavs are cartoonishly monstrous, which slightly undermines the social commentary angle of the violence. Alright, so I'm sure there are young people who really are as bad as Noel or Marky in this film, but at the same time, there are many who are pushed to do anti-social things because they're victims themselves- broken families, poor education etc. The film isn't entirely interested in showing that angle, so it actually becomes a chav-sploitation film, to some extent. Barber portrays a broken Britain that can be fixed by violence, so the message of the film becomes entirely too dubious.

It's probably easier to turn your brain off while watching Harry Brown if you're more right wing than I am in your political views. While there's no doubt that these characters deserve the treatment they get at Harry's hands, it's sure to proliferate quite sweeping generalisations about a sector of society that needs to be rehabilitated more effectively than it is at present. All context aside, it's a film that's similar to Gran Torino in more ways than one- a strong central performance makes it what it is, and the performances and supporting characters just let it down. This makes for much more uncomfortable viewing than that film too, but it's worth a look if you have a strong stomach and enjoy Michael Caine's films. If only the latter is true, then Is Anybody There? is still the best film he's made this year.


Harry Brown is Michael Caine's 110th film, and on the opposite end of the spectrum to this screen legend is Carey Mulligan, whose breakout performance in An Education has her being heralded as the Next Big Thing by the type of people who like to predict what the Next Big Thing is going to be. Most famous before this for playing Sally Sparrow in the Tennant-lite Doctor Who adventure Blink, Mulligan plays Jenny, a teenage girl who's utterly bored by the monotony of suburban London in the early 1960s, being pressed to work hard to go to Oxford by her father. Enter David, played by Peter Sarsgaard, a man more than twice Jenny's age who utterly bedazzles the young schoolgirl, seducing her away from her studies with his devil-may-care lifestyle and expensive gifts.

The words "coming of age tale" are bandied around a lot, and have rather bizarrely been attached to the likes of American Pie, a film which had two sequels (well, two that count, anyway) after which none of the characters had gotten any more mature. An Education is fundamentally a coming of age tale about a young girl who learns a hard lesson about the world. More than that, it's about all the things people aren't saying- be they secrets and lies, or the answers to valid questions about what we're doing in life. Jenny is naive and wide-eyed but she nevertheless holds a sharp cynicism about her prospects- her father desperately browbeats her into studying hard so she can go to Oxford, but once the prospect of marrying her off comes around, he encourages her to take a shortcut to the security he wants for her instead. As much as it contrasts with the more phoney coming of age films, it's never entirely po-faced, and screenwriter Nick Hornby gives the film a genial and enjoyable sense of humour.


That humour is best exemplified in Jenny's father, who is played extraordinarily well by Alfred Molina. The man is never more than a couple of seconds away from a rant about all the money he's spending on his daughter, and his narrow-sighted outlook provides for some of the film's funniest moments. But behind that, there's a beautiful moment where his soul is exposed and we can really believe he loves this girl, his daughter. The other standout performance is of course from Carey Mulligan. The rumblings of an Oscar for Best Actress are certainly not unwarranted, and Mulligan makes a remarkably convincing schoolgirl, given how she's actually in her 20s. Much easier to believe than Megan Fox, to say the very least. Her naivety is capitalised upon by Peter Sarsgaard's David, who's creepier in today's context than he perhaps might have been if this film had been released contemporaneously with the period it's actually set in. In the 21st century context, it would be easy to be freaked out from the off by David waiting around outside Jenny's school in his car, but Sarsgaard carries off a quite effortless charm in the role, which makes for excellent drama once his suave veneer wears away.

If there's an issue with seeing An Education in cinemas, it's that you have to go out of your way to see it, for an experience that isn't distinctly cinematic. It's a shame it's playing in so few cinemas, and most will wait until DVD to see this. The bottom line is that the DVD won't be out until next year, and I'm glad I got to see one of the best films of 2009 in 2009, rather than six months from now. Carey Mulligan really is going to be a star, and Alfred Molina joins my select club of great actors who simply aren't in enough films these days. It would be easier to dismiss the film's message as one from a simpler time, but it's a story about a girl who becomes a woman all too quickly. In this age of dubious female role models and teenage pregnancies, when else has it ever been more relevant? Funny, gripping and very watchable indeed.

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If I pair up 2012 and New Moon in the next post, it's possible that the entire blog will not only explode, but implode, with my rage, so perhaps it's best to keep those two separate. Nevertheless, you can be certain that one of those two will be coming up next, and that neither of them will be as good or as watchable as Harry Brown or An Education. So if you've seen the films discussed here, why not share your comments below?

I'm Mark the mad prophet, and until next time, don't watch anything I wouldn't watch.