Shut My Mouth

Hm, I might just stick to making these review posts every Friday. Brings some regularity to the blog, but then it's possible I see far too many films for one post a week to cover. The reason I've taken so long to get to this post is that I'm going up in the world, somewhat, having written for Den of Geek and I've made a titamaboob of myself on BBC Five Live, more of which later. Back where I belong, I've got reviews of Shutter Island and I Love You Phillip Morris for your enjoyment.
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Shutter Island is based on a bestselling novel, and brings Martin Scorsese back to a genre territory he hasn't roamed since his 1991 remake of Cape Fear. Since then, he's eschewed Robert deNiro as an acting "muse" and instead adopted Leonardo DiCaprio. In 1954, Teddy Daniels, played by DiCaprio, is a federal marshal dispatched to the remote mental institution of the title in order to investigate an inmate's disappearance. Mysteries build on top of mysteries as Daniels battles his own personal trauma and the unorthodox regime of Cawley and Naehring, the head doctors at the facility, to discover where the missing patient has gone. What's the law of 4? Who is 67? And most importantly at all, what is real and what is a pretence?

To offer a little context, this film's release was delayed from October last year, knocking it out of contention for the Oscars and prompting speculation about tensions between Scorsese and the studio. I don't believe that for a minute, because Scorsese is one of the best in the business and this is another masterpiece. Regardless of any changes made in the last five months, I'm really saddened that this film wasn't released early enough to have a shot with the Academy, because with genre fare getting rare recognition this year, the time was just right for a prestige horror film like Shutter Island to garner awards. This is creepy, tense and dreadful- as in full of dread- from start to finish. The second half in particular is a master-class in horror, ramping up the scares to a maximum as Daniels is thrust into a darkened Civil War fort with the most dangerous inmates on the island.

More than that, there's a terrific balancing act at work between horror and mystery. DiCaprio is rather marvellous at the forefront, but only when the film is finished will you fully appreciate how important it was for Mark Ruffalo, (SIR!) Ben Kingsley, Max von Sydow, Emily Mortimer and John Carroll Lynch put in the fantastic turn that they do while backgrounded by Daniels' investigation. Elsewhere, Elias Koteas and Jackie Earle Haley each give brief but electrifying and potentially film-stealing performances as two of the more deranged patients. The film's also got a knot of Nazi-phobia at its heart, which informs the most profound horror in Shutter Island- in the post-World War II setting, the Holocaust serves to remind humanity of its worst excesses. It's not a theme that has never been explored before, but the motif of Dachau is indicative of what humans are capable of doing to one another, and plays very well in the environment of the film. And here the traumatised figures it left behind find that violence has very real consequences and implications, a theme that comes to a crux in a scene where the facility's warden chastises God for loving violence so much.

There are only two real problems with Shutter Island. One- the score, assembled from a number of classical composers' works, is intrusive and jarring, and it belies the real value of the otherwise very impressive work. And two- the momentum is snatched away soon after the main twist in the tale, as everyone simply stops to explain all that has happened despite how the twist itself has been telegraphed from near the very beginning of the film. But for the most part, this is just an excellent horror film from a master craftsman of cinema. Evoking Hitchcock all the way in his adaptation, Scorsese pits an erstwhile but unhinged DiCaprio against the Machiavellian workings of Kingsley, the latter giving his best performance in a long while. Scorsese clearly appreciates that horror grounded in reality is all the more scary than supernatural horror, making for an excellently constructed horror drama. Breathtakingly brilliant.
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A story that's unhinged in a different way is the darkly hilarious I Love You Phillip Morris, which opens on a title card assuring the audience that "this really happened, it really did." It tells the apparently true story of Steven Russell, a Texan deputy cop who ups and leaves his wife and daughter behind to indulge his latent homosexuality after a near-death experience. Swiftly discovering that "being gay is really expensive" and becoming a conman in order to pay the bills, he's on a course for prison, where he meets the naive and sweet Phillip Morris. The pair fall in love, but find that Steven's compulsive criminal activities are keeping them apart as they flit in and out of prison over a number of years.

It's a Jim Carrey film, so it can go either way with in the lead role, but happily he's very good in this, pitching Steven with impeccable comic timing and occasionally allows him to be quite intense too. It's surprisingly understated, but he still manages to outshine everyone else in the cast. Ewan McGregor has finally stopped messing about with George Lucas and Dan Brown, and goes into Big Fish-mode in a role that's on the right track to jump-starting his career, and Leslie Mann is needy and memorable in her brief role, but it's definitely Carrey's film. And he carries it off well, not going too over-the-top, too po-faced or too caricatured. Indeed, the joke is never really at the expense of the gay-ness, except in one quite contrived sight gag involving Steven escaping prison disguised in a leopard-print mesh vest and red hotpants.

And what else would you expect from the writers of Bad Santa? Like that film, I Love You Phillip Morris mixes slapstick and the darkest brand of humour very well, making a highly irreverent and well-written comedy drama. Hell, it sort of counts as a romcom, so everyone go and see this at the weekend instead of The Bounty Hunter! Ewan McGregor makes a far better romantic lead than Jennifer Aniston anyway. It boasts what could be a career-best performance from Carrey- Eternal Sunshine and The Truman Show aside- and it's wickedly funny. A plot twist towards the end has to be seen to be believed, and it's an audacious film that's really worth the price of admission, whatever you may think of the tentative approach of marketing to the lowest-common denominator with the trailers.

Is any of this what I said when I foolishly volunteered a phone-in review to Kermode and Mayo's Film Reviews earlier this afternoon? Nope, because with a minute's notice before I went on air, I was more than a little flustered, and I enacted a poor impression of Steven, backed by a fleeting chorus of seagulls. Think of how I described my encounter with David Morrissey from a few weeks ago, then thrust it into the ears of a million BBC Five Live listeners. If you want to know the likely reason that I don't do video or podcast reviews, listen here for the next week, from around 56 minutes in. A video of my greatest wittertainment blunders (yes, more than one) may be forthcoming.
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If you've seen Shutter Island or I Love You Phillip Morris, why not share your views on the films and/or on my reviews (even the rubbish one) in the comments below. The weekend holds viewings of Green Zone and Old Dogs, and I might even go and endure The Bounty Hunter. Anything Gerard Butler found "laugh-out-loud" can't be all bad, right? Right?!

I'm Mark the mad prophet, and until next time, don'twatchanythingIwouldn'twatch (CAW CAW)

More Of Gravy Than The Grave

It's Chriiiiiiiiiiiiistmaaaaaaaaaaas, as that loon in the song keeps screaming from our radios every December. Preoccupied as I am with cinema, it's hard not to notice that the Christmas film sub-genre has been a real dumping ground for every cliche and shitty setup since the turn of the century. Thankfully, we're not having the dubious treat of another Vince Vaughn-starring Christmas film this year after the dual abominations that were Fred Claus and Four Christmases. Instead, we have Robert Zemeckis' new adaptation of A Christmas Carol, which is as festive as Noddy Holder throwing Christmas puddings at a bunch of cold and starving orphans, (i.e. very) and The Box, which is not.

But more than just reviewing those- what makes a really good Christmas film? And more importantly, what should you all be watching in the run-up to the 25th. But first, the reviews- as something of a regular disclaimer, it's only my opinion on here- others are available. As ever, mild spoilers may occur in the process of reviewing, but never so far as to spoil any major plot developments. Except with A Christmas Carol, because in fairness, if you don't know how that one turns out by now, you're probably not really in touch with reality enough to know what Christmas actually is.


The Box is a film that definitely doesn't fit my own strictures of the Christmas film sub-genre, despite the filmmakers going to great lengths to situate the action in the Advent season. It does however wield one of the more intriguing premises of the year, and has been marketed very well indeed, eliciting a rapturous response from film fans when they showed off the trailer at Comic Con in July. It's based on a short story by Richard Matheson and is all about what happens when a husband and wife are given a difficult dilemma in the face of an uncertain financial future. Arthur and Norma can't afford to pay their son's tuition fees unless they take part in a bizarre social experiment. They receive a box with a button on top of it, and are given 24 hours to decide whether or not to push the button. If they do, they will be paid one million dollars, but somewhere in the world, someone will die.

It would be easy to dismiss this film as a Twilight Zone episode bloated to feature-length proportions, and to some extent, it is. Matheson's short story provides ample mileage for director Richard Kelly, who's in need of a comeback since Southland Tales eradicated most of the goodwill he mustered with his debut, Donnie Darko, and the 113 minute running time zips along. While I've always found Donnie Darko to be massively overrated, I found a lot to enjoy in The Box, not least of which was its antagonist- the disfigured and seemingly benevolent Arlington Steward, played by Frank Langella. Steward is a marvellously creepy creation, and Langella has half his face CGI-ed off in the process of bringing him to life. Villains of dubious morality are always more interesting than those who are out-and-out "evil", and of course Langella is naturally watchable. Less interesting are Cameron Diaz and James Marsden, and it's difficult to empathise with their characters to begin with. They have a big house and a Corvette, which somewhat debases the merits of their selection to receive the box- in the context of the recession, audiences will hardly think they're desperate for the cash to survive. Instead, it raises questions of greed.

One of the main things that bugged me was the score by Arcade Fire, because it's almost distractingly intrusive in the early stages of the film. Creepy music is really not required in that first scene with Steward, and certainly not at that volume. The volume is dialled down later on and there's more of a relationship between the score and what's happening on-screen, but it's important to get that kind of thing consistent, because it can really take an audience out of the film. And to be fair, this is a very hard sell for most audiences. The film is pleasingly subversive of what the trailers have led you to understand about the plot, and it was the fact that the twist around 20 minutes into the film hadn't been signposted anywhere that made me sit up and pay attention. From there, I admit that the film sort of settles back into Kelly's disregard for narrative logic at times, but for the most part it's very engaging and satisfying. Though I'll bet that however many people enjoy it, an equal number will resist its charms and claim it's confusing rubbish. It is inscrutable at times, but it's far from being rubbish.

I'm really not sure how to sum up The Box, except to say that I felt a perplexing satisfaction about the whole thing once it was over. It had an odd sense of nostalgia about it that's absent in most of these supernatural thrillers. Certain kinks in the plot give it a slightly contrived sense, but overall I'd say that pushing a button is a pretty apt metaphor for how much you'll enjoy it. Whether it's pushing the right buttons or not depends entirely on who you are and how much you're willing to suspend disbelief with these things. Just please don't kill anyone I don't know if it pushes the wrong buttons.


Now of course we have A Christmas Carol. For the uninitiated- all two of you- this is the story of Victorian miser Ebenezer Scrooge, who receives three hauntings on Christmas Eve as his late business partner urges him to change his ways and embrace humanity. And there's no Muppets in this one. Instead, this is the latest motion-capture eye-boggler from Robert Zemeckis, who was a leading proponent of 3D and motion-capture around the time of The Polar Express, and it stars Jim Carrey as Scrooge and various other characters. Not least among the odder choices in this adaptation is Gary Oldman as both Bob Cratchit and Tiny Tim. No, really. Motion-capture technology can age or de-age an actor accordingly, allowing them to conceivably play any role. The trouble with Zemeckis' version is that motion-capture and 3D are the only new things he brings to the table.

This is, by now, one of the most adapted stories ever. As society grows more and more secular, this is the story that will eventually replace the nativity play in schools. Blackadder did it, Mickey Mouse did it, and most abominably it was done to explore why Michael Moore hates America. Most successfully however, it's been done by the Muppets, in The Muppet Christmas Carol back in 1992. Some will argue that Alastair Sim or Albert Finney starred in the definitive version, but never underestimate how big a fan of Michael Caine I am. Not to mention Muppets. So in the matter of the latest iteration of A Christmas Carol, I spent a large amount of the film knowing every line from the book and wishing it was Fozzie Bear or the Hecklers saying them instead. The only new additions in terms of plot and execution are a number of frankly unnecessary action beats spaced throughout to show off the technology.

Don't get me wrong, it looks pretty, and although the 3D still adds nothing, Zemeckis has recreated Victorian London in consummate detail, creating an atmosphere that works immeasurably to the film's advantage. Everything else is rather plain though. I'm not a huge Jim Carrey fan, and here we're treated to a Scrooge that's more like Mr. Burns and most bizarrely, a Ghost of Christmas Present who sounds like Ringo Starr. Somehow it's always better to see Carrey in the flesh, and you're generally left wondering why he was the best choice for the role. Gary Oldman suffers too for the lack of physicality in his roles, restricted by the motion-capture technology. On the other hand, that doesn't really stop Bob Hoskins, who's arguably better known for his voice than for his physical presence and makes a memorable but brief impression as Fezziwig.

Zemeckis has been well-served by this technology in the past, but both The Polar Express and Beowulf benefited from being adapted for the screen for the first time, whereas everybody knows all about A Christmas Carol. That begs the question of why you would go and watch a miscast Jim Carrey ham it up in 3D when you can stay at home with the Great Gonzo playing Charles Dickens. The next project in this vein will be a remake of Yellow Submarine, and I can't help but wondering when the creator of Back to the Future is going to give us another more original piece. This one looks good, but it's nothing we haven't seen before.


Despite some fairly anvil-sized hints as to where this is headed, we move now to my top five favourite Christmas films. The criteria here being that Christmas has to play some role in the plot for it to be a Christmas film. Therefore Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is a Christmas film as it has Michelle Monaghan's damsel-in-distress investigating what happened to her dead sister over the Christmas period, whereas The Godfather, in which the assassination attempt on Vito Corleone happens to occur at Christmas, is not. Hopefully now that we have that cleared up, there'll be no quibbling about what counts and what doesn't in my estimation.

5. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Yeah, I mentioned this one ahead of time, but then you can probably already guess what my number one is already too. Robert Downey Jr. plays an out-of-luck petty criminal who is embroiled in a murder investigation with his childhood crush and a gay private eye. And it's Christmas!

4. Batman Returns
This one seems to get a number of unfair drubbings lately, with words like "camp" and "silly" being thrown around. These people have obviously never seen Batman & Robin. Anyways, Michael Keaton returns as the Caped Crusader to do battle with Danny Devito's Penguin and Michelle Pfieffer's Catwoman. I actually prefer this one to its predecessor, oddly. Not just because it's set at Christmas either.

3. Die Hard
It spawned a million knock-offs, and not one matched the quality of this one. Bruce Willis makes a name for himself in action films as John McClane, an ordinary guy who takes on a skyscraper full of terrorists on Christmas Eve. Never mind that the sequels elevated him to superhuman status just like every other 80s action hero, the original is still one of the best action films of all time. And the end credits rolling to "Let It Snow" is as festive as it gets.

2. It's A Wonderful Life
This one's a given, right? It's the seminal Christmas film. James Stewart is George Bailey, a man driven to throw himself off a bridge on Christmas Eve. Before he can go through with it, an angel appears to show George exactly how important he is to the people of his small town. You can probably watch and enjoy this one all year round, but the warm feeling it leaves you with is doubly nice at Christmas.

1. The Muppet Christmas Carol
Obviously. The Great Gonzo and Rizzo the Rat narrate the redemption of Michael Caine's Scrooge. The Hecklers, Fozzie, Animal, Bunsen and Beaker all show up, and it's the best adaptation of the story ever, in my humble opinion. Even the vegetables like it.

Yes, I am very humble, and if you agree or disagree about A Christmas Carol, The Box or anything else on the blog, why not share your comments below?

I'm Mark the mad prophet, and until next time, don't watch anything I wouldn't watch